Today Is The Day I Must Leave; The Four Reasons

*UPDATE* In spite of my having just posted this earlier, I've encountered a delay. I will be taking off in the morning.

I must make it back up North to take care of some business for myself and for my four children. As much as I hate leaving Louisiana and Janet, I must go on the road for a good length of time. There are – for those of us fortunate enough to really live – sometimes more than it seems we can even do. But do it, we must.

Going from this world and back into that world is not easy. It is hard, lonely, sleepless work. But I have the best of four reasons to do it. I'm a fortunate man and I know it. Besides, I have nothing to fear. I am very well protected and very deeply...For the rest, go here.





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Pain management an issue?

Imonbrinsomwoopassupinhyah!; Keeping your pie-hole shut on Facebook

COMMENTARY | When I first heard my daughter on Facebook asking my ex's new hubby how old he was, because that's what it takes for him to feel big, to go (censored) herself, I admit to all sorts of emotional responses - we'll not discuss here – and all sorts of suggestions for comment came up...I wanted to rant.

Knowing, however, this was my daughter's page and might someday, in some way, affect her chances at employment, kept my typing tongue in check. A wiser man than I recently told me: “It's sometimes not what you say, but what you don't say, that means so much.” Since that simple glimpse of just a few words so altering of my behavior, I've noticed there's something to be said for staying silent on Fb – as well as any other site too. There's power in shutting the f*ck up, at least every now and then.

Any discussion, along with every word, will be marketed to any sort of company or sponsor at all. Not all of those sponsors will be companies wanting to sell you a product or service. Some of them could be anything or anyone from researchers to government agencies wanting information about you and/or any group of individuals. We Americans are volunteering up our information to everybody.

Even more importantly, though, soon there will be a resource for anyone, anywhere to know anything and everything about you at any time in your life. Even if you “set your privacy settings” in the most paranoid style, you're still wide open and fair game to data marketers. Do I really want to throw such data about my daughter's life, out there to data marketers?

I asked concerned family to delete their comments. My daughter also wisely deleted her comment – but not until I caught a screen capture.

I also won't deny what I think of this guy, my ex's new boi. I don't like how I hear he talks to my kids. I've accepted that it's not my say who she chooses. She has the right of prerogative, after all. There's nothing I can say in relation to that and wouldn't use the prerogative if I had it. Who on earth would want to control another's intimate life anyway? But I don't like what I hear he says.

It just seems to me, mom might just be the biggest risk the new guy faces, should he make any sort of errors in judgment in his treatment of his step-daughter. She and I might not have made the best of couple, but there's no doubt she's a mother bear over those kids. And she's not alone.

This poor guy has no idea of the level at which he's out-numbered. Let him mis-judge his place or behavior with our four children and let's see how long he might enjoy his little indoor vacation. He'll never be able to say I've threatened him with violence. I just want him to know justice itself would exact its price for any bad choice he may make. If it's the only thing I might ever do as their dad, I'd see he pays the utmost possible.





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Pain management an issue?

Parental Alienation is Child Abuse.

Parental alienation is one of those topics so painful for the person going through, it's quite difficult to discuss. I've tried to bring the topic up without going into a rant. I no longer wish to attack my own ex over anything, but this is still a topic which needs to be discussed among adults, with other adults, and like adults.

For those of you on mobile phones, here's a flash version:

Originally published on YouTube. It's time this form of child abuse is recognized and stopped. Here are those two resources I promise in the video. I'm sure you'll find them helpful: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/info_pas.htm and http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/

Few things in life are more sickening than when a supposed grown-up uses a parent's love of their children as "leverage" of some sort or another, to get their way. Please comment on the video below. Just be mature enough to at least not be vicious. If you do have something vicious to say, and you're not willing to identify yourself, I just might delete your comment. So be mature, or at least be honest about who you are. Thanks. I hope something helps visitors here.

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Scott Dekraai: Can we learn anything from the tragedy?

The news came in about 41-year-old Scott Dekraai killing his ex-wife and seven others in the town of Seal Beach, California on October 12th, 2011. Dekraai entered the Salon Meritage and opened fire. When he was done, a total of six women and two men were dead and one critically wounded. It's the kind of story which proves to me, I made the right choice in my own divorce.

Divorce is a nasty, ugly business, especially when there are kids involved. Custody battles get vicious and it seems the only individuals profiting through all of the pain are the divorce attorneys. In this report the points are shared of Dekraai suffering from bi-polar disorder as well as PTSD from an accident at work which took the life of a co-worker. But there are lots of people dealing with mental illness, going through divorce and just altogether screwed up. These points alone do not usually drive someone to kill.

While the world mourns this terrible event, might we also ask ourselves if this was avoidable? Sure, hind-sight is 20/20. We always seem to come up with the relevant facts afterward, huh? I'm not talking about gun control. California already has the strictest gun laws in America and that did not stop Scott Dekraai. And no bumpkins need to scream for the death penalty. California has that too. None of these facts stopped a needless killing.

I'm not defending Dekraai killing anyone. To take up arms and kill another human being for any reason other than defense against an imminent threat is one of the most heinous acts anyone can perform. I'm not even going to suggest Ms. Fournier deserved this kind of death. Even if she did, her co-workers – those others in Salon Meritage, they did not. I'm just taking the non-emotional, unpopular, politically incorrect position of saying there's more to this than meets the eye. There always is. Reporters can only take one position on a story. So, there's no way anyone can cover all angles.

Near the end of the article there's one paragraph which speaks to a little of Dekraai's side of the story. It reads: “Dekraai said in court documents that his ex-wife had poor parenting skills and a drinking problem. She called him several times a day, Dekraai said, often screaming at him over the phone and in front of their son. He said she addressed him by an expletive instead of his name and made racist references to his current wife.” I'm just not convinced the late Michelle Fournier was so sweet and innocent, myself.

Those of us going through a divorce know exactly what I'm talking about: the little “revenges” we commit against one another; our skills at making the ex sound “evil;” our cruelty to someone we used to love. Why do we do that crap to each other? Once a marriage is over, there is no further need for the fights. These little attacks we use on each other, in an attempt to make the other behave the way we desire – they're pointless. They're vicious, cruel and evil. It's not that Dekraai's response was any less evil, mind you. But what kind of a nightmare was it which could make a man willing to throw it all away and kill people?

Maybe after this latest story of one man losing it, we divorcees can learn to not be so damned vicious to each other. Maybe we can stop using our children as human shields and bargaining chips. Maybe, just maybe, we can all learn that when a marriage fails we can end the hostilities. There's no score to settle after a divorce. If we could just be human to each other, there might be no more of a need for this kind of nightmare.

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