Senator David Jabi is responding again

Well, well, well. My little buddy, "Senator David Jabi" is finally responding to me again. Of course, with some of the crap I've said to him to get his attention, I can't really imagine how a stupid, lazy, thieving, bastard like him couldn't.

When we last left our little buddy, I was of the impression Dum-dum was on to me. He may well be (I sent him my blog address after all). But if he is, he doesn't seem to understand English, because I've been getting some wonderful little responses from him.

After my last message to him, wherein I came clean, I had been not logging in to my spoof email, because life is busy. So, I was unaware of his responses. Then I checked, and Lo and Behold - There he was! I've never been so glad to see an idiot before.

But I still wanted to build up a little action before reporting back to you, dear reader. So, here's our latest few exchanges, with no editing, and a few back emails to bring noobs up to speed. (Yes, I'm writing all crazy and shit. It's all part of messing with an idiot):

Dnia 23 marca 2011 17:46 Dad Anus napisał(a):


I really want to collect on my uncle Richard's inheritance. Please, we can do this the easy way, and you send me that postal mailing address.

There's no need to bother with Western Onion, and cash is not traceable. Like I said, I'm willing to pay extra, for your trouble.

Please get in touch with me as soon as possible.

-Dad Anus

From: senatordavid-jabi
To: Dad Anus
Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 12:22:35 PM
Subject: Re: Goog God, man! Why have you not sent me that postal address yet?

Sir the only option that we accept is western union or money gram.
The policy cannot be change because you. Bear in mind that you are not the only person going through this.
If you are ready to receive the inheritance follow my directives I will not disappoint you. The receipt of the western union or money gram that you pay will be used to issue the waiver clearance on your behalf in our high court here.
If you send the money by mailing it will take couple of weeks before it will get here. We don’t accept payment by mailing for security reasons.

Dnia 24 marca 2011 4:57 Dad Anus napisał(a):


No. I checked with the US Postal Service. They tell me a package can get to you within a week, and they can even insure it.

I'll gladly pay you double, if you accept cash. What do you say?

-Dad Anus

From: senatordavid-jabi
To: Dad Anus
Sent: Thu, March 24, 2011 4:41:16 AM
Subject: Re: Goog God, man! Why have you not sent me that postal address yet?

You cannot teach me what to do. If you cannot follow my directives please forget about the funds. I have nothing to lose. You are the beneficiary how you could send money through courier for this modern world.
I don’t think that you are serious. Keep on going through the back door it cannot help you.

Dnia 8 kwietnia 2011 3:42 Dad Anus napisał(a):


Hey asshole. Where are you?

Why are you ignoring me, asshole?

***********************************************************

So, long about this time, things go quiet for a bit, which I find absolu-u-u-u-utely unacceptable. So, I just decide to lay the bullshit on thick, and a la weirdo:

From:
Dad Anus
To: senatordavid-jabi
The money aside, I need some advice. Quite frankly, you're one of the only friends I have, here in this wheelchair. ( I aint really in a wheelchair. I'm just a dick.) I'm hoping we can overlook this whole ugly business with the money, and help me please. I've really nowhere else to turn.

There's this girl, you see. I really like her. I think she likes me, too. She's really great.

Just one small thing stands in the way: My cat, Rocky. I don't think Rocky likes her.

The last time she was over, Rocky didn't eat for three days after. I really love that cat, but I'm also very interested in this girl. And there's my dilemma.

Do you think I should perhaps just lock Rocky in the basement the next time she plans to come over? Or, should I just go ahead and kill rocky?

I'm so confused. Please help me with this.

Oh yeah. What was your mailing address again?

And what does idiot-boy send me as a reply?

Re: Hey asshole. Why are you ignoring me? I sent my payment.
From:
senatordavid-jabi senatordavid-jabi@o2.pl
To: Dad Anus

Go to hell bastard.

Well, how else can I reply, but a little half-bent?

Dnia 11 kwietnia 2011 17:43 Dad Anus napisał(a):


No. Why should I?

Where's my money, you scammer?

And why won't you help me with my relationship advice, you sweaty prick?

Oh God. OH GOD!! I'm SORRY! Did I hurt your feelings?

(He's just got to know I'm an idiot now, right?)

So, this sad excuse for a dipshit tries dragging others into it:

To: Dad Anus
Sent: Thu, April 14, 2011 3:42:52 AM
Subject: Fuck your mother and sister with your daughter to make me happy fool.

Fuck your mother and sister with your daughter to make me happy fool.

************************************************
See, dumbass comes from a place where sex is still used as a weapon. So, the best threat his tiny, little, thief brain can contrive is to threaten my mother, sister, and daughter with sex...because this is what animals like this guy do...they abuse women just as much as they seek out greedy chumps in America.

So, what's the best way to get under shithead's skin? Insult his dick:

From:
Dad Anus
To: senatordavid-jabi senatordavid-jabi@o2.pl

You're a little bit too inadequate for my mother and sister, I do believe. That's what I hear about all Nigerian men, anyway.

So, you're not going to send me my inheritance from uncle Richard Anus?

Will you still at least help me with my relationship advice?

I guess a little man with itty-bitty baby dick like you wouldn't have enough experience with women old enough to give consent for you to have anything to offer, huh? Besides, I don't think any of them like flaccid, little gay men like you.

So, after I Western Onioned you the money you requested, you're not going to help Me get my inheritance?

Now I'm a gonna have to break out the woop-ass.

See you around, little man.

********************************************************

I could be wrong, but we may get the pleasure of hearing from dumb-ass again, soon.

Here's to looking forward to wasting his motherfucking time.

These posts are a documentation of an exchange between myself and an idiot, which begins here.

Patriot Depot

Good God man! Why don't you just send me that postal address for payment? - An ongoing adventure messing with a Nigerian email scam artist

Perhaps I could just be a dreamer, in hoping that this exchange continues on forever. But I hope it can. Even more importantly, I need better ideas on how to mess with this idiot's head.

Should I have a meltdown? Start threatening him if he doesn't cooperate? Should I start insulting his mother? Should I tell him I'll have a curse put on him? Should I befriend him, and ask for way too personal. advice?

He's a rip-off, and a fraud, so I don't exactly feel bad for wasting his time. He makes his living conning people out of their money, only to dash their hopes on the rocks of gullibility. So I don't mind the thought of getting his hopes up. I just need to pick the best way to do exactly that, in as painful of a way for him, as possible. Suggestions are being taken. Make them in my comment box.

Better than just doing something totally stupid to be a fool for you (Yes, I am your dancing bear fool) I'd love to hear what you'd like me to do. Give me your suggestions, and that's the behavior I'll give dummy. Name it. I'll be abusive. I'll be stupid. I'll use all sorts of incorrect terminology to such an extent, he'll believe he's just dealing with another Nigerian email scammer. I need ideas, people!

***********************************************

Since I hadn't heard from "Senator David Jabi" in a whole 24 hours, I figured it's time to send him an indignant message, questioning his lack of activity. I hope you enjoy (Okay, admittedly, this isn't indignant enough. I suck. I am not worthy.):

Subject line: Good God man! Why don't you just send me that postal address for payment?

Dnia 23 marca 2011 17:46 Dad Anus napisał (Is that the word for "wrote" in Nigerian? I don't know!):

I really want to collect on my uncle Richard's inheritance. Please, we can do this the easy way, and you send me that postal mailing address.

There's no need to bother with Western Onion, and cash is not traceable. Like I said, I'm willing to pay extra, for your trouble.

Please get in touch with me as soon as possible.

-Dad Anus
*******************************************

Of course, he's all concerned and stuff about the safety of my funds, right? So, Idiot boy replies:

From: senatordavid-jabi
To: Dad Anus
Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 12:22:35 PM
Subject: Re: Good God, man! Why have you not sent me that postal address yet?

Sir the only option that we accept is western union or money gram.
The policy cannot be change because you. Bear in mind that you are not the only person going through this. (What the heck? He actually used the correct spelling of "bear." How on Earth did he manage that?)

If you are ready to receive the inheritance follow my directives I will not disappoint you. The receipt of the western union or money gram that you pay will be used to issue the waiver clearance on your behalf in our high court here.

If you send the money by mailing it will take couple of weeks before it will get here. We don’t accept payment by mailing for security reasons.
*****************************************

Well, that's just not acceptable. I need an actual mailing address, where I can send my Monopoly money. I don't think either Western Union, or Money Gram will let me wire Monopoly money. So I reply:

No. I checked with the US Postal Service. They tell me a package can get to you within a week, and they can even insure it.

I'll gladly pay you double, if you accept cash. What do you say?

-Dad Anus
*****************************************

Pardon the brevity of my last reply. I really don't know what the heck I'm doing. My hopes here are only to keep him strung along, and make him waste the maximum amount of time possible.

But, even in the best of scenarios, this won't last much longer. Even a dumb ass Nigerian email scammer can't be that stupid. But we'll see just how long he keeps replying. The longer he communicates with me, the more fun this will be. I'll be ramping up the action, soon.

This is all just a story of me screwing with a Nigerian email scam lowlife,
which begins here. I think I'm just a wee bit bored.

The reasons I have not been paid – Oh my!

So, I'm going through my emails as usual, and what do I see but yet another dumbass email from Nigeria. This one carries a subject line of “The Reasons You Have Not Been Paid,” and it's from one “David Jabi.”

Now, as we all know, these sorts of emails are sent out en masse by assholes in Nigeria, hoping to find an American dumb enough to be greedy for something not theirs. The idea is if they get someone wanting someone else's inheritance, they'll trick them into paying for nothing. They're just so unique and imaginative, huh?

This time, curiosity gets the better of me, and I open it up. Following, the text of the message (All of the mis-spellings and improper English is theirs. I'd eat my own left big toe before I'd send out an email this crappily written.):

From: Senator David Jabi.
Senator Federal republic of Nigeria
Chairman Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs

Greetings

Reason why you have not been paid!

After thorough study on your file, we discovered that a minor/simple matter that could have been taken care of from unset has been the cause of your calamities; hence your payment has been delayed.

This was an expensive mistake made by your so called agents/ representatives. Hence the fate you suffered all this period spending money in vain trying to collect your payment.

From my findings your name and data's are not registered in the federal government
inheritance contract bulletin with the corporate affairs. Take note any foreign payment/inheritance that is not listed there is considered illegal, thus will not receive the desired payment attention by any payment officer/agent, because it is not in the
Federal government official payment gazette; hence the beneficiary struggles in vain as in your case.

Do you want me to believe that no one has told you this before? This is the truth you ought to know. But I wonder why your so called agents/representatives over looked such
important matter over the years- Never mind, it is a simple matter to treat and you receive your payment.

This will only cost you $240 to get your data's fixed in there with a waiver
Certificate to exonerate form paying further charges.

Yours faithfully,
Senator David Jabi.
Chairman Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs.

Being tired of these lame, unimaginative criminal types, I figure it's time to go into some major wasting of their time. I replied with:

Oh no!

PLEASE! Help me fix this situation immediately!

What must I do?

-Dad Anus*

If my readers express an interest in following this, I'll gladly share the progress of just how far this fool will let me take this. I'm pretty sure that $240 US is a considerable sum is the asshole of the world - Nigeria - and the effort might be considered worth it to them. Surely, I can lead them on to a severe level of frustration. You guys wanna follow along? Or, should I drop this? Would you enjoy seeing how far we can take this? Please, let me know.

UPDATE! I've been advised by one friend to send either a fake check, or perhaps Monopoly money. I'm gonna go with Monopoly money. By godlings, that sounds like some fun grok!

Our friend "David" isn't responding fast enough for my tastes. So I just sent him a follow-up message of:

Subject line: Hey! I just read your instructions!
Monday, March 21, 2011 3:56 PM

To:
senatordavid-jabi@o2.pl
So, where do I send the payment of $240 to? Do you accept credit cards? Certified checks? Cash?

Come on. I really want to get the payment to you, so please advise me of my next move.

Thank you.

-Dad Anus

Let's see how this unfolds.

* The name is not my original idea. I chose this one, in homage to a classic scammer time-waster, which you can enjoy here. THAT guy is one of my heroes.

Hey! He finally gave me a response! Read about it here.