Aug 6, 2011

Westboro Baptist Church planning to picket funerals in Norway: Don't do it, assholes, please.

I almost couldn't believe my eyes when I read the announcement on another blog: The highly-deluded membership of the WBC, of Kansas, has announced their plans to picket the funerals of the dead children of Norway.

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor, and then I remembered “Oh yeah. This is the WBC we're talking about here. These are the very same people who seem to really believe the tribal rules and customs of some desert nomads from thousands of years ago, still apply today (but who still oddly don't sacrifice their firstborn, like the bible commands in Exodus 34).

I knew these people to be walking turds. I knew they were weird in a bizarre kind of way. I knew the members of the Westboro Baptist Church to be a bunch of assholes. But even someone as cynical as I was not really expecting to see them actually relishing the deaths of children.

I doubt they'll even follow through. Here are a couple of things I foresee going wrong, giving these pencil-dicked morons an easy “out” from actually messing with the hearts and minds of good people in a country besides their own:

* The WBC members will be denied tourist visas, and they'll have to come back to the good old USA. You know, the country which allows freedom of speech, and religion, and all that. The nation whose soldiers have died repeatedly to defend their right to be namby-pamby jackwagons, such as they are. This just might help some of them to understand they're protesting the very country which tolerates them the most.

* They'll get over to Norway, and instead of holding up their “God hates fags®” signage, they'll have mis-translated signs which actually say “God hates baklava,” or some other shit. On seeing this, the Norwegians will simply see them as the weirdos they are (like we do) and they'll all end up getting the psychological help they've needed for so long. (I don't actually claim to know that God hates baklava. If God even exists, I'd imagine baklava would be something he'd like.)

Just in case they're committed enough to their stupidity, to really try to pull it off there are other outcomes for WBC, I could live with:

* They'll get over to Norway, and just as they start their crap, the cops will arrest them, and they'll face very real charges. (Hey. That's a plus! Norway will find a good hidey-hole for them all. We'll never have to see another tweet from them again.)

* The WBC will get over to Norway, and just as soon as one of them lifts up one sign, at the first child's funeral, the otherwise-peaceful Norwegians will descend upon them in a rabid fury, ripping them all from limb-to-limb by angry descendants of Vikings. I'm only sorry that we're not allowed to just do it, ourselves.

And finally, the worst possible outcome, and one nobody wants, except for the assholes of the WBC: The Westboro Baptist Church will successfully get to Norway, and protest as planned. The open society of Norway will insist on the people allowing these idiots (NOT representative of the USA, btw) to speak their piece – no matter how foolish- and those parents will simply suffer more needless pain, in dignified silence. If they succeed in doing this, there's no possibility or hope of ever reasoning with any of the membership of the Westboro Baptist Church.

Just in case any reader happens to be a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, I'm going to ask you nicely, and just one time only; to please not do this. Those folks in Norway have been through enough already. If you're foolish enough to really truly try to follow through with this heinous act, it's not going to turn out well for you. One way, or another, it will turn out very, very badly for all of you. I promise.
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