Mar 23, 2011

Good God man! Why don't you just send me that postal address for payment? - An ongoing adventure messing with a Nigerian email scam artist

Perhaps I could just be a dreamer, in hoping that this exchange continues on forever. But I hope it can. Even more importantly, I need better ideas on how to mess with this idiot's head.

Should I have a meltdown? Start threatening him if he doesn't cooperate? Should I start insulting his mother? Should I tell him I'll have a curse put on him? Should I befriend him, and ask for way too personal. advice?

He's a rip-off, and a fraud, so I don't exactly feel bad for wasting his time. He makes his living conning people out of their money, only to dash their hopes on the rocks of gullibility. So I don't mind the thought of getting his hopes up. I just need to pick the best way to do exactly that, in as painful of a way for him, as possible. Suggestions are being taken. Make them in my comment box.

Better than just doing something totally stupid to be a fool for you (Yes, I am your dancing bear fool) I'd love to hear what you'd like me to do. Give me your suggestions, and that's the behavior I'll give dummy. Name it. I'll be abusive. I'll be stupid. I'll use all sorts of incorrect terminology to such an extent, he'll believe he's just dealing with another Nigerian email scammer. I need ideas, people!


Since I hadn't heard from "Senator David Jabi" in a whole 24 hours, I figured it's time to send him an indignant message, questioning his lack of activity. I hope you enjoy (Okay, admittedly, this isn't indignant enough. I suck. I am not worthy.):

Subject line: Good God man! Why don't you just send me that postal address for payment?

Dnia 23 marca 2011 17:46 Dad Anus napisaƂ (Is that the word for "wrote" in Nigerian? I don't know!):

I really want to collect on my uncle Richard's inheritance. Please, we can do this the easy way, and you send me that postal mailing address.

There's no need to bother with Western Onion, and cash is not traceable. Like I said, I'm willing to pay extra, for your trouble.

Please get in touch with me as soon as possible.

-Dad Anus

Of course, he's all concerned and stuff about the safety of my funds, right? So, Idiot boy replies:

From: senatordavid-jabi
To: Dad Anus
Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 12:22:35 PM
Subject: Re: Good God, man! Why have you not sent me that postal address yet?

Sir the only option that we accept is western union or money gram.
The policy cannot be change because you. Bear in mind that you are not the only person going through this. (What the heck? He actually used the correct spelling of "bear." How on Earth did he manage that?)

If you are ready to receive the inheritance follow my directives I will not disappoint you. The receipt of the western union or money gram that you pay will be used to issue the waiver clearance on your behalf in our high court here.

If you send the money by mailing it will take couple of weeks before it will get here. We don’t accept payment by mailing for security reasons.

Well, that's just not acceptable. I need an actual mailing address, where I can send my Monopoly money. I don't think either Western Union, or Money Gram will let me wire Monopoly money. So I reply:

No. I checked with the US Postal Service. They tell me a package can get to you within a week, and they can even insure it.

I'll gladly pay you double, if you accept cash. What do you say?

-Dad Anus

Pardon the brevity of my last reply. I really don't know what the heck I'm doing. My hopes here are only to keep him strung along, and make him waste the maximum amount of time possible.

But, even in the best of scenarios, this won't last much longer. Even a dumb ass Nigerian email scammer can't be that stupid. But we'll see just how long he keeps replying. The longer he communicates with me, the more fun this will be. I'll be ramping up the action, soon.

This is all just a story of me screwing with a Nigerian email scam lowlife,
which begins here. I think I'm just a wee bit bored.

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