Mar 22, 2011

Why Are you So Delayed in Answering Simple Questions?

Sigh. I guess he's onto me, already. "Senator David Jabi" has not answered my last email request for a story about my dead whatever relative in Nigeria. Nor has he sent me a postal mailing address for me to send my payment of $240 USD, in order to facilitate my wire transfer of $15.5 million dollars USD.

So, at the very least, I'm going to give it just one more try to get a response. At least I want him to think he's had no more luck than to have encountered another Nigerian email scam operator. Yup, crappy English and all. If he replies at all, I'll include the message here But this is what I just sent asshat:

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Subject line: Why are you so delayed in your response to simple questions?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011 7:53 AM
"Dad Anus"
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I have determined that you are avoiding the situation. That is why you have not responded. This is not acceptable from a government administrator of any country, especially one as esteemed as Nigeria.

It would seem you would be willing to accept a cash payment, in lieu of a Western Onion transfer, but I have heard nothing.

The fact that you claim to have known one of my family, also bespeaks that you would be able to relay me one final story from the life of his later days upon this Earth.

I am disappointed in you. Are you not a legitimate representative? Are you a fraud? It is imperative that you respond with at the very least an address for me to send my payment of $240 cash USD to, in order to facilitate the transfer of my $15.5 million dollars, with urgency.

I await your reply.

-Dad Anus

Now folks, I'm pretty new at this, so please forgive any inconsistencies on my part. I really doubt hooking one of these idiots will be as easy as I thought. Not all criminals are entirely stupid. In fact, not only can anyone be clever, these folks are a part of a vast network. Shit, they could be reading this right now. In which case, this exchange is truly over, and I'll have to find another. But I really hope he replies with a story about my dead whatever relative.

Oh, by the way, since he's a Senator and all, I'm now forwarding all of those emails for political contributions I get to him. Heck, maybe he'll want some porn spam, too. I don't know. I'm a little leery to even open those. Anyway, here's to hoping he replies.

To see where this story begins, go here.

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